HOLONG Mar NATUA-NATUA ( Sayang sama Orang Tua )

HOLONG Mar NATUA-NATUA ( Sayang sama Orang Tua )
Ini Pengalaman Hidup ku, sewaktu Saya berumur 29 tahun ( sa,at itu sudah di karunai Anak 2 orang dan 2 tahun berikut nya lahir lah Anak si Ampudan ( Bontot ).
Sa'at itu, Amang ( Bapak ku ) masih Hidup, tetapi Inang ( Ibu ku ) sudah duluan ( Wafat ), jadi Artinya Ibu ku belum pernah merasakan Bagaimana Enaknya Hasil pencaharian ( Duit ) dari Anak nya, Inilah perasaan yg sampai sekarang belum bisa Aku penuhi utk melengkapi LINGKARAN ( 360 derajat ) Kebutuhan Hidupku.
Sa’at Itu Bapak ku ( Natua2 i ) tinggal bersama KAMI di Pekanbaru, Aku merasa Gembira masih bisa membuat Natua2 i merasakan sedikit dari hasil jerih Payah ku.
Cerita nya begini :
Kalau Aku pulang kerja, Natua2 i menunggu Saya dgn menjaga / menggendong Pahompu nya. Lama kelama an saya bertanya dalam Hati, Apakah Natua2 ku ini tidak bosan tinggal dengan KAMI? Karena Hidup nya Monotone hanya mengikuti KEBIASAAN2 yg berlaku setiap hari di Rumah KAMI a Anak nya, tanpa Mengingat atau Memperdulikan KEBIASAAN nya dahulu?
Aku mencoba mengajak / mebawa Natua2 ku ini makan Mie, Babi Kecap di Rumah Makan GELAS MAS di Pasar Bawah( Dulu inilah Rumah Makan Favorit Orang Cina & Batak) di Pekan Baru, dengan Kantong Pas2 an. Memang Hidangan itu di makan nya, tetapi Aku bisa lihat, Beliau tidak seberapa Puas dengan apa yg Kami Makan. Memang sewaktu Saya Tanya, bagaimana Rasanya, Amang menjawab “ TABO “ do ( enak ) ?, tetapi Aku sebagai Anak nya dapat merasakan bahwa beliau tak begitu puas, tetapi belum seperti apa yg di hatinya ( Mudar do na mangkatai, alana Mudar Na do na turun / mengalir tu Ahu ).
Lama Juga Saya mengenang, Apa2 dulu KESUKAAN orang Tua ini, baru Aku ingat bahwa Beliau kerjanya dahulu Jual Beli Hewan ( Kerbau , Sapi dan Kuda ) di Sidikalang, berarti Beliau menginginkan Makan Daging setiap hari. Toh Juga Aku Lihat, Bapak ku itu belum begitu Puas. Semakin Saya mengingat Kebiasaan nya atau Apa yg di sukai Natua2ku, semakin teringat, Bahwa Beliau SUKA MINUM TUAK, pada hal Saya sendiri TIDAK SUKA minum Tuak.
Dekat Rumah atau tidak seberapa Jauh dari Rumah, Dahulu ada Kedai TUAK di Jl Hang Tuah Pekanbaru, Kedai milik Marga Sianipar, sepulang kerja ,Saya antar Natua2 i kesana naik Kereta TRAIL ku utk Minum TUAK, dan Saya Tanya Jam berapa di jemput balik, katanya sekitar 1 s/d 1 ½ jam an lah.
Sa’at nya tiba, Aku Jemput Natua2 i dari Kedai Tuak, dan sesudah Sampai di Rumah, Aku Tanya mengenai PERASAAN nya, Beliau Merasa GEMBIRA dan PUAS sekali, karena Beliau dapat merasakan / mencicipi Kebiasaan nya dan Kesukaan nya, dan yg paling membuat Beliau merasa Senang dan Gembira, Beliau BISA ketemu dengan KELUARGA HALAK HITA BATAK, berceritra dari mana asalnya, marga apa, Pengalaman2 masa lalu dohot angka na asing mengenai Paradat on, juga yg lain2.
Setiap sore hari, Aku antar Orangtuaku itu ke Kedai Tuak SIANIPAR ini,Bapakku Ceritra bahwa begitu banyak Beliau Kenal, dan disebut semua Namanya, Tutur nya, Kampung nya, Marga Nya, dll sampai2 AKU Merasakan KALAH jika di banding dgn BELIAU mengenai DAYA INGAT nya atas SEMUA apa yg Beliau Ceritrakan. Ini Memotivasi Saya, Berarti harus bisa Saya seperti Beliau utk MENGINGAT.

Kenangan ITU hanya tinggal KENANGAN, karena BAPAK ku tercinta sudah MENGHADAP / DIPANGGIL TUHAN tahun 1982 sebelum Anak ku si AMPUDAN lahir tahun 1983, dan BELUM SEMPAT banyak Merasakan hasil Jerih Payah ku.
Kami di karunai Anak 3 Orang, AGUSTINA, CHANDRA dan LARRYVO , Hela RAMSES TAMBA dan baru satu orang Pahompu si SEBIRA yg begitu KAMI Sayangi dan MEREKA juga Menyayangi KAMI, Mudah2 an Anak Kami LAKI2 / Lajang cepat dapat Jodoh dan dikarunai Anak, supaya semakin lengkaplah REZEKI / PASU2 dari TUHAN melalui sude NATUA2 nami. DAN Mereka ( Anak2 Kami ), KAMI harapkan juga MENGERTI akan PERASAAN Technical KNOW & HOW to OCCUPY, about What their Parents’ NEEDS / DEMANDS.
Dari Pengalaman ini, ada yg di PESANKAN dari segi MARKETING TECHNIQUES / Teknik Pemasaran, bahwa HOLONG MARNATUA2 itu, mengajarkan KITA utk Mengetahui :
Memuaskan CONSUMERS ( Pembeli,Teman, Orang Tua, Famili dll ), apakah itu di bidang PEREKONOMIAN / BISNIS, atau PERSAHABATAN, bukan tergantung dari BIAYA yg DIKELUARKAN , karena Biaya utk MINUM TUAK jauh LEBIH KECIL di bandingkan dengan Biaya MAKAN MIE dan BABI KECAP, Tetapi MARGINAL UTILITY nya JAUH LEBIH BESAR, yg perlu KITA tahu / MENGERTI akan KEBUTUHAN / KEBIASAAN CONSUMERS.

Sai Anggiat Ma SONANG HO AMANG & INANG di JOLO / LAMBUNG Ni TUHAN i, di SURGO HASONANGAN i

Pekanbaru 10 May 2009.
Drs Dewasa SITOHANG & Adelina Hutabarat ( Ompu Ni SEBIRA

” MASIPASANGAPAN ” or Mutual RESPECT & HONORING.

Saturday. September 05, 2009

” M A S I PA S A N G A P A N ” Mutual Respect & Honoring

Di Adat BATAK , ada DALIHAN NATOLU :

1. SOMBA Mar HULA2…< Pihak Marga / FAM dari Istri, Nenek..etc)
2. MANAT Mar DONGAN SABUTUHA….<>
3. ELEK Mar BORU….< Marga2 / FAM lain yg menikah dgn Anak Perempuan Owner >

Dari Dalihan Na Tolu ini, Ada Kesimpulan :
Setiap Orang ( Individu ) Wong BATAK akan mempunyai 3 Posisi ( Kedudukan ) secara bergantian, tergantung siapa / MARGA yang punya ( OWNER ) dari ULAON ( Pesta ) untuk MASIPASANGAPAN ( Saling MENGHORMATI …Mutual Respect…Mutual Honoring).


Setiap Orang / Individu pernah Jadi :
Ø Hula2 ( TULANG)…..Mangalean Pasu2, sebenarnya Pasu2 asal nya dari TUHAN.
Ø Dongan Sabutuha ( Se MARGA )… Dongan Masisungkunan / Mewakili , Manolopi..dst
Ø Boru ( Mengikuti MARGA ISTRI / MAMA / OMPUNG BORU ..dst ). Mangurupi Materil &

Immateril ( GOGO… seperti membantu HULA2 utk mengurusi keperluan Pesta dari

Persiapan , Kerjaan di hari ” H ” nya, sampai selesai …Pokok nya BORU ini yang paling

sibuk KERJA….Juga MANUMPAKI….)

Yang menjadi sungkun2 ( Pertanyaan ), Bagaimana DALIHAN NATOLU ini bisa Jadi ADA ?
Di Suku BATAK ada Pembahagian TUGAS yang Jelas, Secara ber ganti2 an mempunyai TUGAS Sendiri, Sehingga se Seorang itu TIDAK TERUS SETIAP SA’AT Menjadi HULA2, DONGAN SABUTUHA, atau BORU, artinya Job Description nya ber beda2 sesuai dgn Posisinya di setiap Pesta ( Ulaon ), dan……


Sungguh Teratur / Tertib………TABO nai….ate Gabe Halak BATAK!!!

Memang Trias Politika ada :
Ø Excecutive
Ø Judicative
Ø Legislative

Tetapi Ndak pernah Job Description nya Ber ganti2 an, dikaitkan dengan Ulaon / Tugas / Rapat yang di adakan, …. Molo Nungnga BOSS… Jadi…BOSS lah TERUSSSSSSSS…., Sehingga terjadi KESOMBONGAN atau Penyimpangan / Penyalah gunaan TUGAS….didok è
….AHU do mangatur NEGARA on…… ISE ..IBANA ..HU..RO..RO.HA ??
Karena Menurut MEREKA??…Benar…..( seperti yang anda Maksud). Terjadilah Pemaksaan Kehendak….Korupsi….KKN……Family sesudah jadi Orang Besar ( Ber Family Gara2… Duit.. Project..lah…dll ). Ndang MASIPASANGAPAN be.

MASIPASANGAPAN Di Negara disebut Semua Orang ( Individu ) Mempunya Hak yg Sama ( Equal Rights )… sekarang istilah Keeren nya …HAM…, Tetapi Kenyataan .. ndak Tahulah. Kalau dari satu Golongan kena Tindas … HAM… Maju…Mudah2an HAM adil utk membela Hak Azasi Manusia. Pernah Saya lihat di TV, se orang Polisi ditendang sama Orang yg DEMO… Apakah …HAM..( Hak Azasi Manuasia ) Membela Hak dari Polisi tsb ??…….Saya ndak tahu jelas lanjutan nya.
( Kalau ada yg sudah Tahu, Tolong di …share ..lah )

MASIPASANGAPAN di Faham KOMUNIS, Berdiri sama Tinggi Duduk Sama Rendah… Apa ya..a..a?? Mana Mungkin sama Tinggi , Orang yg Tinggi.. dengan… yg Rendah??…Jujur saja.. tujuan nya sama dgn Theory BOURJUIS
Yang KAYA sama / berkawan dgn Golongan dgn yg KAYA, yg MISKIN sama / berkawan dgn Golongan dgn yg MISKIN.

Sarupa mai tu / sama Hal nya dgn PARJUJI ( Penjudi )
Molo Monang, sude Mandok……. LAE..E..E.. No 1….JAGO an …..HEBAT
( Si TOLOPI na Monang )
Molo Talu, Sude mandok …..LAE…LAE..E…E..E Kurang Konsentrasi & Teliti...

( Mambursikkon Natalu )


Ido prinsip ni Paham ni songon on, jala memang GODANG kenyataan do i di KEHIDUPAN se hari2 (…. ndang Sude…tahe Mngiada Jolma na do ) .

Di Agama juga disebut :
MASIPASANGAPAN………Hormatilah Sesama MU seperti Diri Mu Sendiri.


Alai di partegas hon do jala dipasingot do di Agama,

molo PASANGAPHON NATUA-TUANTA………………….. ( NATORAS..di artikan ORANG TUA Kita…Apakah bisa juga yang artinya YANG LEBIH TUA….Saya kurang tahu…)

Di Patik Palimahon …….
Ingkon Pasangapon Mu do Na TORAS Mu, Asa Mar TUA Ho……….Di tano nanilehon i TUHAN DEBATA di Ho.

Hormatilah BAPAK IBU ( ORANG TUA ) MU, Agar Hidup Mu SUKSES… Di Tempat yang TUHAN sediakan Bagi Mu )

Sesudah PASANGAP hon ( Menghormati ) ORANG TUA & TUHAN Kita..Pasti dapat PASU2. ( Berkat & Rezeki)………………… Ada lagi pertanyaan … Sebenarnya DIMANA tempat tanah( KOTA ) yg di berikan /nanilehon ni TUHAN DEBATA di Ho……….Tano tsb……Apakah Tano KOTA Hatubuan (Kampung Halaman tempat dilahirkan), atau Tano Pangarantoan ( Tempat Merantau )…. TANO atau KOTA yg Mana…. ? Di pacocok ma tu diri Pribadi masing2.. Jala direnungkan.. Apakah tingkat kebenaran masing2 mendekati 100%. ….. Bagaimana Tingkat ………..BOHA do KEBERHASILAN KEHIDUPAN ku….???.

Di bawah ini ada rumus Mathematic ………..sebagai ILLUSTRASI

Y = f (X)

Dimana :
Ø Y di assumsikan sebagai…. è Nasib / Rezeki / Kesehatan… KEBERHASILAN….
Ø f di assumsikan sebagai ……è faktor pengali ( correction Factor )
Ø X di assumsikan sebagai …. è utk berbagai macam Hal……..

( TIDAK SAMA UTK semua INDIVIDU )

……X….Bisa itu mulai dari:
X1..adalah tempat lahir…..
X2..adalah Tamatan Sekolah Apa & darimana…
X3 adalah Kerja dimana…..
X4..adalah keturunan siapa……….
X5 Factor pernah atau tidak ME MA’AF kan……….dst ……….dst…………………………………………
X6, X7, X8…….sampai….XN.…..ber macam2 … isi sendirilah…..renungkanlah …..apa betul……….( INGAT lah SEMUA Factor “X” Mu )


Jadi Factor ME MA’AF kan itu sangat mempengaruhi Juga di di tambah Factor ” X ” yg lain MASIPASANGAPAN <>


Sesudah di evaluasi… Ya Benar… Tingkat KEHIDUPAN & KEBERHASILAN ku …………Anda SUKSES…
Lanjutannya….
Apakah Anda sudah BERTERIMAKASIH

( Memberi…Sumbangan/….Zakat / Persembahan/Bantuan) kepada Sesama Mu …atau kepada TUHAN…….Aha do Hulehon tu NATUA2 KU, tu NAMANOGU Ahu ( Si Patudu Dalan ) ???


MASIPASANGAPAN…PASANGAPHON….KEBERHASILAN.. MANDAPOT PASU2..
Pls, Your COMMENTS… FEED BACK….ARGUMENTS….DIRECTIONS…ADVICES.

Sincerely YOURS…HORAS…:
Drs Dewasa SITOHANG & Adelina Hutabarat.
Ompu Ni Sebira REVAGDA.
Jakarta. Sep 05,2009.


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Saturdy . Sep 05, 2008
TAKING a TRIP to SINGAPORE ( Jalan - Jalan )
Singapore. Dec 22, 2005

I have 3 ( three ) Childreen named :
1. AGUSTINA Vince Sultana SITOHANG ( 2nd f/ left )
2. Sutan CHANDRA Dosma SITOHANG (1st f/left )
3. LARRYVO Handrian Bounty SITOHANG (5th f/left)

They came back from Bandung to Rumbai, Pekan Baru, Riau for Christmas Season in 2005, then We all went to Singapore taking a trip ” Jalan - Jalan “ as to motivate them in achieving good results of studying in UNPAD & ITB, and also make them remembering their childhood, because They have ever gone there several times when Elementary, Junior, and Senior high schooling periods.

We lived in PEKANBARU after I had married with my Wife named ……………………..ADELINA HUTABARAT who was born in PULAU SAMBU, a small island next to SINGAPORE; so, Travelling to Singapore for her like going back to “PULANG KAMPOENG “. She always felt happy & exciting when the Ferry were crossing by the Island.

We started the life in Pekanbaru with hoping, asking , praying to GOD Assistance & Guidance for the shake of my Family, because I am an ordinary person who doesn’t have enough skill & knowledge to bear a heavy daily Load of living Cost. Actually, If You believe in GOD, HE will lead you to survive. No kinds of Problems You have & face, Let GOD help you finding the symptons How to handle & eliminate.
My Wife & I are in doubt How to bring up my childreen, sending them to School or University. We worked to gether such as to sending them to private Courses starting from 1st grade of Elementary thru 3rd grade of Senior high School. My wife has a big effort to teach or educate my childreen becoming hard & smart learners, they didn’t care about childhood needs as to playing with their Friends. My childreen are accustomed to read ” COMIC Books “ , they do like reading such even though They were student, till Now. My Wife & I always pray to GOD for the happiness & Success of my 3childreen in their Job. They , Agustina as a Dentist ( still continue learning in UI for getting Specialist or Master in Dentistry, Chandra as a Mechanical Engineer, and Larryvo as a Geologist ) finished their study mannerly, properly & timely.

Now We as parent become free of studying Cost, but still have mentally heavy Load about their Marriage, because 2 of 3 my Children are still Bachelors ( LAJANG ).

The eldest Child, Agustina, who married with ” HELA “ Ramses J Tamba , has a pretty lady Baby named …………..SEBIRA REVAGDA OKTOBIRIYANTY born on Oct 22, 2008.

In BATAK Culture, someone was born & got the name during Baptism e. g My name is DEWASA SITOHANG, The name becomes ” AMANI AGUSTINA “ as a nick Name for the Parents, My Name will be changed to be ” OMPU NI SI SEBIRA REVAGDA OKTOBIRIYANTY “ due to the birth of my grand lady ( My daughter child f/ AGUSTINA).

The Nick Name will be re changed to be ” OMPU NI ( with out SI ) If my son CHANDRA has a baby …says..His Baby name is….supposed to be …CHOVRY, My Name ” OMPU NI SI SEBIRA REVAGDA OKTOBIRIYANTI “ will be changed to ” OMPU NI CHOVRY…( without SI…); so, OMPU NISI or with out SI….in BATAK is called GRAND FATHER or GRAND MOTHER in English.

I don’t know How to say…. How big of Happiness that My Wife & I have felt & got due to the birth of our beloved grand Lady called SEBIRA REVAGDA OKTOBIRIYANTI. REVAGDA is like an accronym given by my Wife & Me :
R ==> Ramses ( Her Father Name )
E ==> En ( And )
V ==> Vince ( Her Mother Name )
AG ==> AGustina ( Her Mother Name )
D ==> Dewasa ( Her Grand Father Name )
A ==> Adelina. ( Her Grand Mother Name )

So, Her name is alike ACCRONYM or combination of her Parents Names with her Grand Mother & Father.

My Wife & I have felt so exiciting..Happiness…and also got additional fulfillness in the needs of GOD Blessing.

Thanks GOD for everything I have had so far….You may add more….I believe that GOD knows what My Wife & I want……… I Love You All such ….Like How You love Me.

Jakarta. 06 Nov 2008.
Drs Dewasa Sitohang & Adelina Hutabarat..( 15 / 6 )

Posted by Ompu Ni Si Sebira REVAGDA.

9 Ways to Make Your Relationship Last

9 Ways to Make Your Relationship Last
Apply these simple tips and watch your relationship flourish in good times and bad.
By relationship expert Stacy D. Phillips for Hitched Photo: Getty Images Updated: Aug 27, 2009

As a divorce attorney, I pride myself on having saved some marriages during my 25 years in practice. I would very much like to see people work things out, if they can. I have come to realize that if couples try one or more of the following 9 suggestions, they may be able to keep their relationship from hitting the rocks in the first place.
1. Delineate "yours," "mine," and "ours."
If you have finances that should be placed in each of these three categories (for example, you have an inheritance and he has a savings account he accumulated before the marriage, and you also have a checking account to which you both contribute), have an upfront conversation about those assets and what belongs to whom. Moreover, talk about your time away from "together" activities, like he wants to bowl with the guys on Tuesday nights and you want to attend your yoga class on Wednesday. Respect these important delineations. Doing so will make the relationship stronger.
2. Carve out time to be together.
Sure, you're busy working and attending meetings, but how important are those things if your relationship falls apart? Make time to do things together that you both enjoy. This could be anything from grocery shopping to taking in a movie. Take regular vacations together -- at least a couple of long weekends and, better yet, a couple of long vacations (more than a weekend jaunt). Commit to a weekly date night and make it as unbreakable as that all-important staff meeting at work.
3. Take care of yourself.
Spend time every day on your appearance and your physical well-being. Work out regularly, eat healthy, and stay fit. Not only will your partner like looking at you, but you'll feel better about yourself.
4. Make sure communication goes both ways.
Many relationships fail because of misunderstandings. Effective communication skills are necessary if your relationship is going to survive. If there is a hint or vibe that your partner is disconnected or you are unhappy about something, do not ignore those signals or feelings. Approach your mate and suggest an open discussion. You may be frustrated, angry, or hurt and so may he or she, but always stay calm and reasonable. Your goal should be to resolve differences, and the only viable way of doing so is through open and direct communication.
5. Criticize gently.
Don't judge too harshly. If you criticize, do so in the same way you would want others to criticize you. Be kind and considerate.
6. Never stop courting one another.
Gifts, compliments, and a loving embrace go a long way, especially when they are a surprise. Send unexpected greeting cards, slap a Post-It note where you know your mate will find it, keep those flowers coming in a "just because" way. Treat your partner with the same courtesies you did when you were dating. A terrific mindset is to pretend you are trying to win your partner all over again.
7. Keep on the flame burning.
Keep your romance alive despite the chaos and craziness life can present from living in the midst of sheer reality. Resolve to offer up romantic suggestions for your partner's pleasure, even if only occasionally, like cooking her favorite meal when you know she's had an impossible day, or entice him into a bubble bath with you just for the fun of it. Little gestures like these from time to time can ensure that the flame you once had burns forever.
8. Spell out your terms of endearment.
Call out the expectations for one another in the form of the "terms" of your relationship together. Put them in a contract, if you like. This contract will simply clarify and document those needs and wants that mean a lot to you. For example, though he typically runs late, your agreement might specify those times when he agrees not to be late; she may agree to keep her spending at a certain limit, though she typically has little restraint as she traipses through the mall. Be Discussed these boundaries, as well as your needs and wants, can prevent either of you from stepping over the line and causing irritation. It is often the disappointments (needs and wants, gone unexpressed) that bring down a relationship.
9. Renegotiate your contract.
Your relationship will evolve, and your needs and wants will change right along with it. Once a year, it's a good idea to review, update, or revise your contract with each other -- whether it is verbal or written. Be mindful, however, not to allow such a "contract" to ruin your relationship.

Drs Dewasa Sitohang & Adelina Hutabarat.
Ompu Ni SEBIRA.
Jakarta. Sep 05, 2009.

9 Simple Things Women Want

9 Simple Things Women Want
By YourTango.com
Photo: iStockphoto.com/© Izabela Habur Updated: Jul 30, 2009

Besides the meaning of life and the ingredients of hot dogs,
many a man has questioned, "What exactly do women want?" We're not playing coy here, we know we're complex creatures. And, true, we operate on a different wavelength than men.
But women aren't exactly the great mystery that men often make us out to be. The proof? We polled the YourTango staff and compiled a list of 9 simple things women want. Note: you won't find diamond rings or other fancy things anywhere on this list. While many women really do want luxury goods from men, when you break it down they are just physical representations of some of the points on this list. We promise.
More on Dating From YourTango:
• 10 Dating Mindsets Sabotaging Your Love Life
• 10 Basic Rules for a New Relationship
1. Respect. Show us through your actions that you respect our opinions, careers, interests, friends, bodies, and minds. You don't have to agree with all that we say or do, but try to honor our opinions as valuable contributions. Follow the golden rule and treat us as you would like to be treated: Be honest, fair, kind, and considerate.
2. Romance.
It's another night on the couch with takeout and TiVo? Just because we're staying in doesn't mean the evening can't be romantic. Light a few candles and see where the night leads. Treat us like your girlfriend, even after we become your wife. Date nights, physical affection in the car, kissing like when we first started dating -- all of the things that made us fall in love with you don't have to stop just because now there are bills to pay, a house to be cleaned, and kids to be bathed. Bring home flowers for no reason. We're not talking $100 bouquets of roses here. Even the $10 bouquets from the supermarket are enough to make us smile.
3. Time. We understand relationships can't be all wine and roses; simply making the time to be with us and treating us like your top priority says "love" more than all the fancy gifts and lovely letters ever could. This includes helping around the house. The realities of a 21st-century relationship are that both partners probably work. If you happen to get home before we do, why not vacuum the living room or throw in a load of laundry? If you take the garbage out without being asked, chances are you'll be getting a big ole smooch when you come back.
4. Dinner.
Of the homemade variety. You may not be good at cooking and you may not know how to boil water. But greeting us at the door after a long day with fish sticks (or whatever you can wrastle up) makes us swoon, because it shows that you've been thinking about us and our hectic day.
5. Communication.
Women are vocal creatures. We know you love us, but it's nice to hear you say it, too. We can also be insecure. We wish we weren't, but the reality is that we often notice our wobbly thighs and forget about our gorgeous eyes. So let us know when you think we're hot. Tell us we're beautiful. It helps us feel good. Words of appreciation aren't half-bad either. Tell us you love the lasagna we made. Notice that we cleaned the bathtub. It doesn't have to be over the top, just let us know that you see the effort we put in, and you're grateful.
6. Consistency.
This doesn't mean be boring and predictable. It means that we know you will (usually -- no one is perfect!) give us the love and support we need. Knowing that you're coming at this with the same desires and energy as we are goes a long way to making us feel secure.
7. Engagement.
Of the mental kind, not the "I'm getting married in the morning" kind. You don't have to like everything we like (we might be a little concerned if you do), but showing interest in our passions, be it career-related, a sport, or a hobby, goes a long way. Listen when we talk to you. We're not speaking just so we can hear our own voice; we want to connect with you and this is one valuable way we do this. This also means paying attention to the little things. Whether it's the name of your best friend's husband or the fact that you hate Nicolas Cage movies, it's the little things you remember about us that's so endearing.
8. Humor and Humility.
These two tend to go hand in hand. This doesn't mean that you have to crack jokes or entertain us, but just being able to laugh at yourself is enough. Guys who take themselves too seriously bring everyone down.
9. Challenge.
Not the kind that makes a relationship constant work, but the good kind that surprises and motivates us to do, be, or achieve what we desire. Studies show that partners who prod each other to meet goals -- in other words, don't support lazy or bad habits -- are ultimately happier than those who don't hold each other accountable.

Drs Dewasa Sitohang & Adelina Hutabarat
Ompu Ni SEBIRA
Jakarta. Sep 05, 2009

How to De-Fang a Toxic Boss

How to De-Fang a Toxic Boss

By Richard S. Gallagher

How many people out there hate their bosses? And how many have the luxury of simply voting with their feet, and leaving? Everyone faces a toxic boss at some point in their career and must quickly learn how to de-fang.
Toxic bosses are often energy vampires who drain our morale, creativity and productivity. Ironically, they often feel they are doing the right thing in the process. So when you react to them, you get dragged into a tug-of-war that too often leads to a one-way ticket out the door. It's a lose-lose situation for everyone.
At the same time, the right communications skills can provide a great antidote to these toxic bosses. Here's how:
Learn how your boss sees the world. Does your boss go to bed every night dreaming of new ways to be mean and cruel? If he does, it's time to leave, however, the reality is that most toxic bosses simply have a warped view of managing people. What you see as criticism, they see as "holding people accountable." What you see as politics, they see as "motivating people to perform." And what you think is pointless nastiness is, in their mind, "avoiding a country-club atmosphere where people slack off."
So how do you learn what's behind their snarkiness? Simple: You ask them. Here are some examples of questions you might use:
- "What would the ideal department look like for you?"
- "What kinds of things frustrate you about our team?"
- "What would be the single biggest thing I could do better this year?"
Validate the boss's view of the world. This part feels like sucking on a lemon for most people, but it is the key to changing your boss's toxic behavior. (When was the last time you responded positively to criticism?) Here you are not out to agree with your boss or "kiss up" to her. Your goal is to make it clear you understand her, so that she will then listen to you. Try these on for size:
Tillie Toxic: "I wish people would stop slacking off and get to work around here."
You: "Good point, it is frustrating when people don't perform like you wish they did."
Peter Picky: "You never do this task right."
You: "I don't want you to settle for less than the best. Let's discuss this."
Does it feel funny to say things like these to a boss who acts like Darth Vader? Of course it does. But when you say them, you accomplish something extremely valuable: You create a safe space to start talking about changing the boss's intimidating ways.
Offer an alternative. Here is where you close in for the kill. Offer your boss what he wants, while presenting him with a neutral, factual way to get there -- by treating you better! Here's one example:
"I want to give you everything you want in the future. At the same time, I find it difficult to do that when I am constantly criticized. It makes it harder for me to do my best. Where could we go from here?"
Now you are in productive dialogue, and can start negotiating a win-win solution as adults. Remember that you have to use facts and not feelings here. Telling your boss to "share performance expectations" or "talk to me first before you criticize my work" is OK, but asking him to "stop being a jerk" is provocative, not to mention unclear.
With the right words, you can often achieve what seems impossible: Get your toxic boss to change, using a painless conversation that never puts him or her on the defensive. In the process, you will gain interpersonal and leadership skills that will stick with you for the rest of your life.
Richard S. Gallagher is a nationally-known expert on how to communicate in difficult situations and the author of "How to Tell Anyone Anything: Breakthrough Techniques for Handling Difficult Conversations at Work" (AMACOM 2009).
Copyright 2009 Richard S. Gallagher. All rights reserved. The information contained in this article may not be published, broadcast or otherwise distributed without prior written authority.

Story Filed Wednesday, Aug 05, 2009 -07:53 PM
Drs Dewasa Sitohang & Adelina Hutabarat
Jakarta

Turunkan Bobot Tubuh dengan Alpukat

Turunkan Bobot Tubuh dengan Alpukat
Selasa, 21 Juli 2009 - 12:00 wib
Adhini Amaliafitri - Okezone


Foto: Istimewa
ALPUKAT merupakan buah yang sangat enak, namun wajib dihindari jika tengah berdiet, sebab buah ini kaya lemak. Padahal, lemak alpukat termasuk lemak sehat yang ampuh menurunkan bobot tubuh. Benarkah?

Seperti dikutip dari Health24, Selasa (21/7/2009), Potchefstroom Institute of Nutrition di Potchefstroom University menemukan fakta mengejutkan, alpukat dapat memperlancar penurunan bobot tubuh seseorang.

Bertentangan dengn mitos yang ada, ternyata alpukat bebas kolesterol. Meskipun mengandung kandungan lemak yang tinggi, namun lemak di dalam alpukat kebanyakan mengandung monounsaturated. Di mana monounsaturated bermanfaat untuk kesehatan jantung.
Lemak mononunsaturated dapat menurunkan LDL (kolesterol jahat), dan menaikan kadar HDL (kolesterol baik) di dalam tubuh seseorang.

Fakta menyebutkan, lemak monounsaturated di dalam makanan dapat menurunkan kadar triglyceride. Selain itu, mengandung lutein yang bermanfaat untuk penglihatan mata. Alpukat juga kaya akan vitamine E, yang mengandung banyak antioksidan guna mencegah radikal bebas.

Kandungan beta-sitosterol pada alpukat juga berfungsi sebagai anti-cholesterol yang dapat melindungi tubuh untuk mengendalikan kolesterol.

Karena itu, bagi Anda yang tengah berdiet, tidak usah takut mengonsumsi alpukat. Sebab alpukat kaya akan phytosterols yang dapat menurunkan kadar kolesterol dalam darah.

Untuk Anda yang ingin mengonsumsi alpukat, akan lebih baik jika menikmatinya tanpa tambahan apapun. Dengan mengonsumsi buahnya saja dijamin tidak ada kandungan gula di dalamnya, dibandingkan bila Anda mencampurnya dengan susu atau air gula.(nsa)